5 lesser known truths about trauma

1.       Trauma is a fact of life

We all hold trauma.

Trauma is so misunderstood, we tend to think it’s this big scary thing that results from horrible, gross experiences that have disastrous effects on our lives. And while this is unfortunately true for many people, the thing is, we all hold trauma.

And it’s not just the big T trauma that impacts our lives, but the little ‘t’ and the daily micro-traumas which are so prevalent that leave us from harnessing the fullness of who we are, and direct the trajectory of our lives.

It’s time to normalise trauma, and to start healing it.

2.       Trauma is stored in your body

You may feel your body and jaw tense up when you have to ask for help, or your face may get hot and butterflies fill your chest when you’re asked to speak in front of a crowd.

This is your body remembering a past experience.

The memory of the original incident may not be apparent to you, but your body remembers where perhaps you and your voice were not welcome or perhaps made to feel ashamed, stupid, or weak.

What’s more, our bodies carry the memory not only of our own experiences, but our ancestors. As shown by the increasing field of research on epigenetics our DNA carries the imprints of ancestral trauma. So if you can’t make sense of why you respond a certain way, this may be it.

You can go to a thousand hours of talk therapy, but if the body is not including in the healing process your trauma will not resolve, indeed we can even risk being re-traumatised. Please, seek out a trauma-informed body-led professional who you resonate with, and makes you feel safe.

3.       You aren’t weak because your froze

Your boss is yelling at you for a minor mistake that your team made. Instead of calmly explaining what happened in defence of yourself and your team like you know you should, you shut down, your mind goes blank and your mouth dries up. You cop the full onslaught, until they leave the room, and you burst into tears.  

Now you feel stupid, and weak because you couldn’t speak up for yourself, but this isn’t your fault.

Your nervous system made an expert judgment call to freeze in order to save your life based on the circumstances – rational or not. Our bodies respond to new situations with the same strategies that we learned kept us safe in our past.

You couldn’t have changed your response in the moment even if you wanted to because your prefrontal cortex the part of your brain focused on logic, and speech has been hijacked by your reptilian brain, which is responsible for keeping you safe.

But the good news is that you CAN rewire your nervous system to understand what is, and is not a threat as an adult, and to support you in reaching your dreams.

4.      Trauma is the root cause of addiction and numbing.

Addiction, whether it be to shopping, overworking, scrolling the screen, food, sex, alcohol or drugs, is not the problem, but rather an attempt to solve a problem, and are brilliant coping strategies (or management techniques) for an overwrought nervous system.   

Whatever we are addicted to is giving us some escape from emotional pain. Whatever we use to numb provides us with relief from feeling what we don’t want to feel.

Human beings are wired to avoid discomfort and pursue happiness, and we will we return time and again to what masks the feelings we don’t want to feel. 

And if our happiness, and the true expression of our self was threatened at a deep level by traumatic experiences in our past that have not yet been resolved, we will resort to addictions to restore the happiness, or comfort, or security that we truly crave.

Although damaging in the medium or long term, these escapes provide an opportunity to regulate our nervous systems and find temporary relief and pleasure.

This is both understandable and creative way - and an invitation to invite curiosity and compassion to the way we and others behave, rather than shame.

5.       Our bodies are naturally designed to heal… but our culture hinders this.

While we all experience traumatic experiences as a mere fact of our human existence, we weren’t designed to hold onto trauma.

In a perfect world, we would be able to release the trauma or soothe the stress response soon after it was triggered.

Much like a gazelle does, who after narrowly escaping the teeth of a hungry lion starts to shake with full body tremors to complete the survival response and prevent it from being trapped in her system.

But we don’t live in a perfect world, rather we still live in a patriarchal society that:

  • Prides individual strength and stoicism over community and co-regulation

  • Suppresses rather expresses emotions

  • Sits more than it stands

  • Spends more time in its head than it’s body

– all impeding the instinctive ways we release stress and instinctively heal.

So rather than shaking it off, or seeking support, we clamp it down and push on through life and end up holding the cumulation of a lifetime of unresolved stress responses frozen in our bodies.

This is why embracing and embodying the Feminine is so instrumental in providing the awareness, curiosity, and compassion to heal ourselves, and our society.

The take away is this:

You aren’t alone and you make sense.

Trauma is normal. Trauma repair is not only possible, but what our bodies are naturally wired to do.

Are you aware of developmental trauma and patterning that are playing out in your life? Or perhaps you’ve noticed an underlying feeling of unease, or like you’re holding yourself back from achieving some goals or personal milestones? Perhaps you can recognise yourself in some of the addictive behaviours and there’s a realisation that maybe your running from something?

If you desire to reach out and start the journey to resolving the trauma within, reclaiming the lost aspects of your self, and finally living in the fullest expression of yourself then reach out, I’d love to support you - read about the signature Embodied Feminine Pathway that can support you do exactly that.

We need more womxn boldly stepping into their power.

Jess Staskiewicz

Feminine Embodiment Coach & Psychologist

https://www.jessicaanne.com.au
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10 ‘mistakes’ I made in my healing journey

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Why you aren’t holding yourself back