Connection with the feminine - to thy self
Disconnect: with ourselves and the feminine
Our culture is for the most part patriarchal. We live in a paradigm that values the masculine traits such as competition, power, results-oriented action, intellect, strength, linear and logical thinking and hard-work. We wear ‘busy’ like it’s a badge of honour and set high expectations on ourselves to be successful in life – caught in the lie that life is really about the constant upgrade for the better car, body, house, career, social group, or partner. Hard at it competing with men to prove that we are just as good as they are, that we can do what they can do.
“Stop being a girl”
In contrast the feminine values and traits of feeling, flow, expression, emotion, intuition, rawness, chaos, connection, nurturing, and love are considered weak, inefficient, and largely unnecessary. Indeed we have grown up in families and classrooms where “don’t act like a girl” is a grave insult. In which the ‘feminine’ professions such as child care, nursing, teaching - the foundations of our society - are horrendously undervalued and underpaid. The majority of our workplaces, and the world economy at large are masculine environments. It’s no wonder that we women tend to engage more from our inherent masculine energy than our feminine.
But sitting heavily in the masculine to the exclusion of the feminine doesn’t serve us - man nor woman. We are all on a fast-track to burn-out and disconnect. We have been conditioned to prioritise DO-ing, rather than BE-ing. The DO-ing keeps us in our head, and slowly but surely separates us from our body wisdom, intuition, and heart.
Do you know what lights your soul on fire?
We are all familiar with that residual feeling of emptiness inside. We can’t put a finger on it. But when asked - “What is that truly lights you up?” we hesitate, stuck for an answer. Do we know?
We are so busy being busy, believing that the dates marked in the calendar for an upcoming holiday, a friends wedding, a night out, or an upcoming baby will add a bit of spark to our lives, fill in the missing pieces. But the effect is short term. On a daily basis we habitually turn to chronic numbing mechanisms, including exercise, food, sex, social media, or shopping. How many of us have turned to the gym to ‘burn-off’ a workday that left you feeling stressed or unhappy? Found yourself in a memory and in a daze realised that you finished off a block of chocolate ? Turned to so-called liberating one-night stands for the rush and temporary feeling of connection with another? Binged watched Grey’s Anatomy or Netflix? The means are many and varied, but at the core of it it is our subconscious seeking means to cover over the ache that’s buried deep inside. Using sugar, adrenalin, endorphins as poor and fleeting substitutions for the sense of being truly alive. But in numbing we become ever more distant to what would truly nourish us, give us pleasure, and feed our souls.
When we over-identify with the masculine energy our self-worth becomes based on our achievements (and our looks) rather than ourselves. In suppressing the aspects of the embodied feminine we become jealous, competitive, critical and distrustful of other women, we feel separate from humanity as a whole and totally detached from Mother Earth and our responsibility to her.
It is no wonder that the world is in the state that it is.
Don’t poo-poo the masculine
This is not to say masculine energy is not bad –nor should we feel bad for being “too much in our masculine”, indeed it is what drives analysis, action and change but it needs to be balanced by what Embodiment experts such as Jenna Ward call the softness and sensuality and sustainability of the feminine energy. The masculine is the container for the wildness of the feminine. The masculine is the yang to the feminine yin. Both in dynamic dance with each other. This is not about suppressing the masculine and being only in your feminine. This is about bringing the feminine back to life in a world that has not had a safe place for it.
Gateways to connecting with your feminine energy
Your feminine never leaves you. She is in there, waiting to emerge.
Do what you feel called to. Listen to your body, and your needs. Reflect on what brought you joy as a little girl and rekindle those passions. If you don’t know where to start here are some foundations that will lead you to her:
Awareness - the foundation of it all. Start by becoming aware of the sensations in your body, your thoughts, your emotions, your energy. Come into the present moment and get out of your head (the masculine).
Breath - your breath is your vehicle to the present moment, and to your body. Take deep slow breaths, taste your breath, notice the temperature, feel the rise and fall of your chest and shoulders and back. Listen to the sound of it. Tune in. If a thought pops up allow it, and gently bring yourself to your breath.
Movement - Ahhhhh the freedom of expression! Roll your shoulders, stretch your neck, circle your hips and ask your body how it wants to move and follow its cues. Can’t hear it, just move anyway. Put on some music and DANCE with free abandon. Let the emotion and rhythm move you.
Sound - So awkward for many of us. Start by sighing out throughout the day, groan in pleasure or pain, yell if you are mad, and break this frontier to enter the primal and reconnect with your wild woman.
Adornment - Beauty is a central tenet of the feminine. Adorn yourself not out of a need to hide a so called ‘flaw’, or meet a beauty ideal, or for the sake of someone else, but for yourself. Again, what does your body want today? Put on the earrings that make you feel brilliant and reflect sparkles in your eyes, swathe your skin in luxurious feeling fabrics, or barely-there skimming cottons, wear the colour that speaks to your mood, whether it be light and carefree, sunny and bright, earthy, or dark, mysterious. Let what you wear and how you wear it be a communication between you and your soul.
Mother Nature - You are her. She is the feminine. Wild and beautiful, cyclical, raw, manifested. Take off your shoes and walk barefoot, roll on the grass, smell the flowers- really, stop and smell those beautiful flowers. Look up in wonder at the tree branches, the sun on your face. Breathe it in and be at peace, and at one.
Women Circles – Join us! Where we meet in the spirit of sisterhood. Circles are just one avenue to begin to reconnect with the collective feminine energy, with other women and also to spend some time reflecting and nurturing yourself. Sister circles are intimate and safe spaces where we remove all our societal expectations and labels and simply be ourselves, we listen without judgement, we speak without interruption, and we do this from a place of vulnerability, and truth. It can be truly liberating, and are one means to connect with, your self; With other women; and with the collective feminine energy that resides within us all.
Do you feel connected to your feminine energy? When do you feel most in your feminine? I’m intrigued! Drop a comment and let me know!