Reclaiming our wildness
This is an especially good read for you if you are a habitual good girl and have lost your roar…
It’s time to bust a very large myth that circulates in the spiritual and health and wellness communities - and that is that Zen is the ultimate state of being.
In the article I’ll be talking about
Why Zen-state messaging is actually problematic
What we should be aiming for instead
And I’ll also share with you some simple practices that will support you into more embodied states of being.
Let’s Jump In.
Couldn’t be bothered reading, but want a self-paced course to actually EMBODY all of this and switch out of good girl for good? I feel you - join HOME today.
Zen is enticing. More chill. More calm. Less Stress….. naturally, with our lifestyles the way they are - busy, frantic, stimulating, we are drawn to the suggestions to sloooowwwwwww down and regulate our nervous systems so we can find more peace - and less overwhelm.
Which is beautiful. AND YET it speaks to only a portion of the story.
5 reasons why we need to get wild
#1 Calm is a socially desirable state, that keeps us in our Good Girl conditioning and far removed from our wild, and natural essence. We are more easily controlled. More obedient to the powers at be. It is stifling. Unnatural. And outdated. Enough said.
#2 Meditation can be Spiritual Bypassing. Many people begin spiritual practices such as meditation with the intention of helping them find relief and overcome their sufferings. There's nothing wrong with this.However when such practices are used to divert, avoid, or dull painful thoughts and uncomfortable emotions, or to spend time in visualisations and the spiritual or energetic world rather than what is present, this is spiritual bypassing. This can be quite an addictive way of living - cue people who hang out in meditation retreats for years! - but in the end bypassing what you are feeling doesn’t make your feelings go away (see next).
#3 Emotions and sensations need to be felt & expressed in order to move through. If the feelings and sensations present in the body are not felt they compress and are stored as bricks of tension in our bodies. Anyone who’s had a deep-tissue massage has first hand evidence for how the body holds suppressed feelings. This creates a host of downstream effects on a physiological and psychological level, including anxiety, depression, stress-related illness, all the way to substance abuse and suicide. Emotional suppression (aka Keeping Calm and Carrying on, or “sucking it up”) might decrease outward expressions of emotion - and perhaps your good girl social acceptability rating; but is does not decrease what’s going on in the inside.
#4 Choosing Zen to cope can block us from life. The more we bury our feelings and smile instead of speaking our truth, the more armour we put up to protect against the pain, the less we can feel. Which means the less we are present to, and truly experiencing and embracing of life.
The more we operate from the non-feeling logical rational place in our heads we will find ourselves agreeing to things that aren’t what we really want. We may ignore the pull of our desire because it doesn’t make sense. We may find ourselves in relationships that fulfil a purpose but are not intimately or deeply connected. Or unable to hold healthy boundaries with ourselves and others, because we don’t really know what is true for us.
And it is here that we can find ourselves lost, from who we really are, from what we are really here to do. And this is just, if not more painful, then the feelings we are trying to avoid.
#5 A state of Zen can keep a Freeze Response in disguise. Choosing meditation and calming practices which promote stillness, quietness and transcending the body can compound your body’s inclination to be in freeze.
Why? Because we contributing to the conditions that keep freeze in place, instead of completing it.
A freeze response looks eerily like Keeping Calm. In freeze we tend to be still, and quiet. We will blend in and become uninteresting until the threat passes. We may feel numb, or like we aren’t really in our bodies - protecting us from feeling the intensity of what is going on.
It looks like a low-energy state, but it’s really a well-camouflaged high-energy state. Which is really costly to the body, especially when it sticks around longer than it needs to.
Because the nervous system can be slow to come out of this state there is a tendency for the freeze response to run in the background - unconsciously directing how we engage with life.
And we know all too well how this plays out in the world… women not speaking up, running away, or fighting back. Being meek and acquiescent, avoiding being visible and not expressing ourselves, to feeling numb and apathetic about life, or disassociating completely and living solidly up in the head (goodbye aliveness, pleasure and joy).
Interestingly, (but not surprisingly) women are more likely than men to be in various states of freeze response. This may be explained be the social conditioning around boys, in whom boldness, assertiveness and aggressive play are valued, whereby they learn to be in active sympathetic arousal states more than women, are less likely to find themselves fawning or freezing when challenged.
Side note: The freeze response activates when we perceive a threat that is sensed to be too overwhelming that fight or flight won’t work. The ‘decision’ to go into freeze is not made from our cognitive brain, but rather is triggered by our autonomic system that stores all the memories of what was most helpful in keeping us safe in past situations of high stress. It is important to know that there is no moral hierarchy to the nervous system ladder of response, it is all entirely subconscious and we can appreciate our bodies for doing what it does to keep us safe.
It’s time to Re Wild.
Rather than choosing to bottle things up and present a calm facade, it’s time we embraced our full selves. Here’s a few tips to get you started
1.Be present with what is: feel your emotions & the sensation in real time. Stop and really listen to what you are feeling in your body
…do this with me now, take a breath in your seat, place a hand over your heart and feel yourself supported by the ground, and just begin to notice, what do you feel… be present with the feelings and allow your body to become more intimate as you allow them to be expressed through you.
As you cultivate more and more sensitivity you will be able to distinguish more and more layers to what you are feeling.
And when we can learn to be with sensation, we create this increased tolerance for feelings and sensations, we have less and less need for distraction or soothing mechanisms, because we know now that they will not swamp us, and in this place we develop the first skill needed to let them move through us. And this is how we begin to take our power back.
It is here that we find ourselves seated in our own internal power - less reactionary, less destabilised - more able to be ourselves and stay present and in our non-reactive truth.
2. Practice embodying heightened responsive states: Get on all fours, growl like a tiger. What better way to track your nervous system states then to get out of your head and into animal mode.
Become a tiger.
Practice in real time being a predator.
Practice being the tigers prey.
I’m serious. This is going to put your drama class to good use!
Practice the whole symphony of chasing, hunting, killing, fleeing, fighting back, and laying dead, for at least a minute in each state, and notice which state feels familiar to you? Which one feels uncomfortable? This is great information to help you identify your unique nervous system blueprint (which is what we go into in HOME).
And embody your ROAR. Practice it, let your body know through the practice and fun in acting it out that it is safe for you to be here. Let your body know that this is a state that you can draw upon.
*NB practice self-responsibility. If this seems too much for you, don’t do it, and seek the support of a practitioner to support you to expand your nervous system range.
3. Practice finding safety in order to regulate. Learn simple tools to regulate your NS. Noting while regulation isn’t the overarching goal state, because we need to be able to react appropriately to our environment and to perceived threats, this is our resting state where we can rejuvenate and play and enjoy life.
I give you an ENTIRE library on more ways to regulate when you are feeling anxious or stressed our in HOME, for now here is one very simple but highly effective practice that you can do right now.
Orientate to your Surroundings.
Sit comfortably and take a few breaths to find yourself in your chair or standing.
When ready, begin to slowly look around the room you are in
Look up, in front, and down, to the sides, and behind you, taking in the full space.
Notice where you are in the room.
Now allow your gaze to land on various objects.
When it does so, name the object out loud.
If you find an object that particularly appeals to you, linger on it for a while.
Notice how your body is feeling as you do this.
Notice what calm feels like, what does your physical, emotional, mental bodies feel like?
Repeat until you feel calm and ready to stop.
The more you practice exercises like this when you are relaxed, the more easily you will be able to have them as ready to use tools in your toolbox when you are activated, to then land you in your power.
Our wildness is essential to our self-expression, to our survival, and counterintuitively - to finding true states of peace.
Befriend your nervous system and reclaim your roar in HOME, a self-paced course to inner freedom. You’ll leave with an embodied understanding your unique nervous system blueprint and the somatic intelligence to stand up and respond accurately in stressful situations AND find your calm in the lulls between the storms.
If you are after a written resource Dr Kimberly Ann Johnson speaks to this in her work on the nervous system, her book Call of the Wild is a good ‘un.
I hope you found this useful, if you want more, jump into HOME for the ultimate treat for your nervous system, or follow me on IG for all things feminine, embodiment, nervous system health, body lovin’, pleasure and above all, returning to yourself. Message me, I’d love to connect.
x
Much love, Jess