Awakening the Feminine: Disembodied to Embodied
Early 2017 saw me finishing up a 6 year stint working in the humanitarian field with the UN in Bangladesh.
I came out of that career a mere shell of myself. Burnt out. Adrenal Fatigue. Malnourished. With a mild form of PTSD. And unknowingly at the time, pregnant.
As I exited the country, presumably for the last time, I felt hollow. A bit anxious. A bit angry. Looping thoughts on what was and what would be.
I had spent a long-time in survival mode, caught in a combination of constant, highly stimulating living conditions, a controlling and abusive marriage, and intense and highly demanding work.
Sure I had fun, a thousand incredible experiences, the work was rewarding, and never a dull day was passed in that teeming country.
All I wanted was a dull day.
What I found instead was a numb, hollow, dullness filling the inside of me.
On reflection I can see this for what it is.
I had become de-sensitised and dis-embodied in order to ‘cope’ with the world I was living in.
It was easier to reside here in the robotic numbness rather than process the constant stimuli which would have sent me into a spin. In this place I didn’t need to face some big truths around what I was doing, who I was, what was missing in my life, or how worthy I felt of receiving what I truly desired.
The thing was… I didn’t even know what I wanted because I had lost touch with who I was.
There was resentment. Frustration. A dull ache asking “Surely there is more...?” only to be quickly squashed by the armour I placed over my heart.These carefully constructed protective walls prevented me from feeling anything at all. I resided within a self-made cage. Seemingly strong, but utterly powerless.
My gift at this time, was the unexpected delight of being pregnant. The babe in my womb began to ignite something within me that had been lying dormant. It started with a meditation practice, but eventually these intervals transformed into a kind of communication with my body. I tuned in, and listened….
As I let the walls come down. And as they came down my heart began to crack, and crack, and crack again.… I was coming home to myself. I was resistant at first, but then at some point I surrendered. I had had enough of not feeling. I had no choice but to welcome it all, in all the colours. For the first time in a long time I felt alive, and powerfully myself. So I listened to myself, and honoured what I was hearing. My inner knowing started to return. My desires started to call to me. I started to really listen to what I had been squashing down, the non-verbalised challenges and pain that were living within me.
I made a lot big decisions. Away with the career. Goodbye to the suitable marriage. No to the demands of the patriarchy. Yes to me. Yes to spaciousness. Yes to my daughter growing inside. Yes to being present for life.
I didn’t know what to call these experiences at the time, at that point it was a commitment to being Present with Acceptance. The magic of Feminine Embodiment was alive within me, but I didn’t yet have the lexicon to hold it all together. All I knew that there was wisdom beyond the mind, wisdom that lived in the body, in all of our bodies, that had been long denied in favour of the brain. I realised that this is where the truth of us lay. Not in transcending the physical plain on some path to enlightenment, But to descend into our being. To honour this vessel as more than flesh and bone and blood.
I wish I hadn’t needed to be taken to the edge to find this, but perhaps I needed to be. Perhaps it was what I needed to commit to a journey from disembodied to embodied.
Embodiment is a skill that we can all develop, and god knows we, and our world, needs.
I have since embarked on a certification to become a Feminine Embodiment coach. Not because I needed the ticket, but because I desired to immerse myself more and to share in a more meaningful way what it really means to be embodied, what it really means to ignite the feminine within. So now I am equipped with tools and practices that I apply everyday to my own life, and have the opportunity to share with other beautiful women who realise that mindset work only goes so far if they truly want to release the shame and pain, and step into their sovereign self, for women who know there is something powerful within them that desires to be awakened.
The world needs more embodied women, not dry, brittle, burnt-out ones.
Whether this is a new world for you, or something you too are re-familiarising yourself with there is a beautiful gift from me to you on my website, an embodiment activation audio (also available to grab here) that will support you to get out of your head, and drop more deeply into your heart and womb – where your feminine wisdom resides.
Desire more? ahhhhhhh I see you hearing the call. You are in the right place my loves, see my website for private mentoring and signature program offerings .
xx Jess
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