In circle last night we sat with the theme of Energy. We organically came to focus on the feminine and masculine energies within us and within society. Many of us sitting there reflected on how we had grown up, or become accustomed to working in the masculine paradigm without tapping back into our feminine. The result was feeling drained, out of touch with ourselves, or unfulfilled in some way.

Some of us were just realising that they had left her behind, others were finding their way back to harnessing her, while others again were living in their full, juicy feminine glory and revelling in it. No matter where you are on the journey, know it is on some level right for you as there is always growth in every moment, and it is likely serving you to some extent, and it will - until it doesn’t any longer.

First, let’s clarify what we mean by the feminine and masculine energy.

The Feminine

The feminine and masculine energies are in reference to the divine, and are not gender specific. The feminine energy is the heart-led, ‘being’ energy, while the masculine is the mind-led ‘doing’ energy. The feminine is pure energy, she flows, bubbles, eddies, rages and crashes like water in a river. She wants to surrender to being conquered in order to escape again. Fierce, strong, fluid, caressing, dynamic. She is associated with connection, nurturing, empathy, emotions. She is aware of many things at once, and picks up on details and nuances that escape the masculine. She is one with her feelings. She has the instinctual wild nature within. The unexplainable, intuitive knowing. She is born to receive, and in receiving she deeply wants to feel deeply fulfilled.

The Masculine

The masculine energy is linear, logical and action-oriented. He is purposeful and gets things done. He is fuelled by competition, and success. The masculine is pure consciousness in action. Steady, solid, and striving like a mountain. Strong, and unshakeable he is trusted to be consistent and constant. He is associated with drive, focus, bold confidence and assertiveness. He is single-focused. He concerns himself with reaching goals, future safety, and security. He wants the woman to surrender and to fill him up with energy. He is born with purpose and is fulfilled by the challenge and a meaningful mission.

The masculine and the feminine are two opposites on the same spectrum, yin and yang, dark and light, sun and moon. It is also very clear that the current structure of society and the economy reflects that of the masculine.

A quick note.

We are born with one energy more dominant than the other. Typically, a female works best in her feminine energy, and a man mostly in his masculine, but this isn’t always the case. Some men are more fully in the feminine and vice-versa. The natural point of balance is different for everyone, and for every situation. We will often switch to the energy that is required of ourselves at that point in time. But living in the opposite to where we naturally sit will serve us externally only to a point, and then we will begin to notice the disharmony within rise.

This can be seen in the driven career woman who requires the masculine energy to produce results in her work or business but finds it difficult to switch over to the softness that is begged of her in her relationship and finds herself, snappy, unfulfilled, unheard when she gets home at night. Or perhaps she is juggling a hundred things at once, striving for her dream job or business and always trying to prove to herself and others that she ‘can’, but the constant hustle isn’t sitting well. Or maybe she is in hyper-machine-mode with family and home, and feels totally tapped out.

If we are more in the masculine when we should be naturally more in our feminine we will feel unbalanced, stressed, and stuck. We lose our flow, we have a hard time connecting with others, and we may see other women as threats instead of allies. Or perhaps we find ourselves attracting more feminine men into our lives to balance out the masculine. Men that appear wimpy, unambitious or unassertive but can’t actually meet our needs. Here desire wanes, and relationships suffer.

These are just a few examples of how we have forgotten to be a woman.

But why?

the dominant masculine paradigm HAS influenced how we show up in the world?

Subject to rape, abuse, manipulation our bodies were used against us and we were deemed the more evil, more manipulative, and weaker sex. This has been a story used by religious texts, and continued for the benefit of the masculine paradigm for millennia. The women’s rights movement began with the suffragettes in the early 20th century, and came to a head in the 80’s where women were finally seen in high profile positions in business, where they sported short haircuts to match. Androgynous figures were in fashion, as were shoulder pads and power suits in strong block colours. Women were told they could ‘do anything that a man could do’, drive trucks, run businesses, thrive in finance and law and other fields that were previously solely the realm of the men. But what happened was that it was a movement of women giving up their own feminine power to take on the masculine.

This is no disservice to the feminist movement, it grew out of a long period of female suppression, and we have benefited from women being taken more seriously, and to be seen as being strong, savvy, independent, and capable.

However, it has meant that many of us have believed we needed to discard our innate feminine nature and conform to the masculine in order to be appreciated or to succeed, but we find ourselves bitter, resenting where we are. Or conversely, we may have felt the need to explain again and again our choice for a life that is slow, in dynamic messy flow, full of family, dedicated to caring and healing, or to making art. Believing that these paths were lesser than. But now we are in a different age, the paradigm is shifting, the feminine is rising and we in turn are being called to embrace our feminine.

“There is a time in our lives, usually in mid-life, when a woman has to make a decision — possibly the most important psychic decision of her future life — and that is, whether to be bitter or not. Women often come to this in their late thirties or early forties. They are at the point where they are full up to their ears with everything and they’ve “had it” and “the last straw has broken the camel’s back” and they’re “pissed off and pooped out.” Their dreams of their twenties may be lying in a crumple. There may be broken hearts, broken marriages, broken promises.”

― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

So many of us are hearing the call, we can sense it, and see it with more female leaders, louder female voices leading change-making movements, more women sitting in circles. But do we even know what we are missing? Do we know how to get back into our natural state of being and aliveness?

*What kind of woman do you choose to be?*

Answer these questions for yourself, and reflect frequently on them:

1. What is femininity for you?

2. When do you feel most feminine?

3. What do you do on a daily basis to connect to your femininity?

Your answers are truly your own. You are allowed to define this and want this to be exactly what you want, but I urge you to drop into yourself, and out of your head when you answer this. We are a product of our upbringing, our circumstances, our society, age, and culture, but at the heart of it there is a core understanding of the feminine that we all identify with.

Here are 22 practices that can ignite the feminine within and help you get back into your flow.

Some of these will resonate, some will not. Choose what speaks to you and explore it.

1. Learn: Read, listen, watch, on anything on women and the feminine

2. Embrace your creativity: art, cooking, design, decorating, doodling, poetry, writing, photography, fashion, hosting, entertaining. It’s more than traditional ‘art’!

3. Touch your body and thank it, every morning

4. Embrace the sensual: intentionally use all of your senses to experience pleasure. Soak in a warm bath with essential oils. Dig in the garden with bare hands, and walk barefoot. Whatever takes your fancy.

5. Immerse yourself in nature, cleanse yourself in water, get your hands dirty, walk in the wild.

6. Nurture the inner maternal: whether you want, don’t want, have or don’t have children spend time with babies and children and share their delight in the world

7. Hold space, listen more than you talk: Learn to create safety, by simply listening, without interruption or judgement, and be present. It will serve you, them, and your relationship with the other. Your mind will slow and you will become more centred and present.

8. Adorn yourself: Wear something that reminds you of being a woman. A pair of earrings, a necklace, that you can catch a glimpse of or play with and remind yourself that at heart you are a woman.

9. Slow down: walk slowly, talk slowly, notice the presence and notice the process. In the feminine you have all the time in the world, nothing matters than deeply feeling into the beauty of this moment.

10. Be still: access the inner voice. Meditate, practice mindfulness, or just allow yourself to be without having to do so you can start to hear your soul speaking to you.

11. Get out of your head and into your womb space: take a deep breath and feel into your sacral area

12. Pleasure yourself: sex is sacred and your sexual power is yours.

13. Study, observe and connect to your menstrual cycle and the phases of the moon

14. Create rituals and sacred spaces: light a candle for yourself, another, or a cause, create a simple altar with some beautiful things and use these practices and spaces to connect with your divine feminine.

15. Nourish your body, don’t punish it: ask what your body needs right now, love it, have holistic massages or treatments, practice a kind and self-loving yoga, tap into your body wisdom.

16. Check in: ask yourself, how do I feel? Listen.

17. Allow yourself to feel your feelings: get in touch with your emotions, fully meet them, and release them without judgement. Holding onto emotions can create blocks in the physical and spiritual body and restrict your flow

18. Dance: get into your living room and move freely and fluidly in a way that speaks to you

19. Give up emasculation: let your man provide, let your man protect, let your man lead. Stop parenting him and let him be free.

20. Have a self-care ‘free-day’. Don’t pre-book or pre-plan anything, just go with the flow from moment to moment.

21. Care: send your love to mother earth, to humanity, to a movement that strikes your soul.

22. Honour your intuitive impulses: we all have intuitive insight, that hunch, or that inner knowing, but often we don’t trust it in favour of the mind, and they sometimes seem irrational but the message is clear. Learn to trust and act upon your intuitive impulses, and you will become to know how profound the knowing is within you.

These practices will help you feel nourished, more radiant and fulfilled in your life. By nurturing ourselves we are more able to step into our masculine energy when we need without feeling hardened, lifeless, or bitter. Caring for ourselves in this way will have a ripple effect out, to the people around you, your community, the world.

You’re told you can be all the things, you can do everything that a man can do. Yes, you can do whatever you want to do, we have more options and choices that the women before us can dream of. But do what feels right to you. If that’s immersing yourself in a family and a partner do that. If it’s paving the way on a movement do that, if its doing your part to heal and care for mother earth, do that. If it’s getting messy and colourful and creative with clay, paint, or paper, do that. You have the permission to chose what you want. But know this, femininity is about receiving. We cannot do it all on our own. You will only have the relationships, the family, the business, the career, the health, and the joy that you want by drawing on a community of support, and allowing yourself to receive.

If you’re struggling with this, and this resonates with you please reach out. Some coaching or counselling may be just what you need to help you get back onto the path of being the unique feminine goddess that you are. There are a few women working in this space, if I resonate with you, you can find me here. I’d love to chat with you!

Embracing our feminine energy