Bitches & Witches
One Sunday morning I experienced a heartache, and it muted me when I normally would have spoken up. I share this experience with you, as well as a feminine embodiment approach to realising and embodying my actual truth.
The scenario
I was observing a group of girls aged 2 to 8 gathering under a playground. I was fascinated by their behaviour, their natural tendency to commune in circle, to listen with open eyes and ears, and contribute energetically to shared play.
I was entranced.⠀
The man I was sitting next to also observing chuckled to himself and commented that they looked like a ‘cackle of witches’. Hmmmmmm I tensed. And then, as one girl asserted herself, “watch out for the bitchiness!”.
I sucked the air in between my teeth. Searching for a retaliative quip to curb his tongue.⠀
While made in jest and light-hearted enough for that Sunday morning his comments nevertheless screamed of the sentiment which has kept women ‘in their place’, for centuries. ⠀
WITCHES
Strong, educated, opinionated women, the pagans, herbalists, healers, midwives, environmentalists, seducers, and enchantresses are the women who were labelled as witches and sent to trial. Women were hunted, tortured, drowned and burned at the stake as hysteria took over between the 14th-17th Centuries in Europe and The Americas. Numbers are hard to define but academics estimate murders may have ranged from tens of thousands to perhaps millions.
The label have witch would have included me, or you.
Witch, comes from the word wicce, meaning wise, since twisted to mean something evil, ugly and unwanted. These women, powerful and true to their knowing and themselves, were feared as a threat to the Order, to Christianity, to the Patriarchy. ⠀
BITCHES
A young 6 yr old girl states her desires in a clear voice to her peers. She does not waver about what she wants. She stands up for herself as protests are made. She sits assured and assertive and counters their arguments. She says nothing malicious, attacks no one. But is still labelled a bitch by an observer. ⠀
⠀
Witches and Bitches. This is how the societal expectations of women have been instilled for eons. Girls hide their talents and quieten themselves in fear of their freedom, of social ostracisation and for their lives. Such labels have kept us firmly in our place, contained, and disempowered. ⠀
Play small, stay safe.
I never found an adequate response that Sunday morning. I slumped into my seat as the words pierced my heart. The breath caught in my throat and I felt small sitting there. My heart ached at the unfairness, and at what I perceived as my own feebleness as I sat there.⠀
My young daughter was part of that circle of ‘witches and bitches’.
My Dad was the man who passed comment. ⠀
I re-realised my fragility sitting there. I realised that still, I am not immune, and it can be these throw-away comments from our nearest and dearest that are so lethal to ourselves and our collective spirit.
This is less about what my father said, and more about what I didn’t say.
He too is the offspring of generations that thought of women as lesser beings, of an upbringing that expected women to keep homes and men to work and be fussed over on their return. His words are joking, but they joke covers discomfort that the belief he grew up with - that is men are superior - is not true. I don’t blame him. But I don’t excuse the words.
….and still I didn’t speak up that morning.
Coaching myself, the Feminine Embodiment way.
As I was sitting with this on that Sunday I realised I had several choices on how to ‘deal’ with this.
To fume. Allowing my anger at him, the patriarchy, and myself rise and bubble in me unexpressed. Likely affecting my relationship with my father, and determining behavioural avoidance patterns with men. The tension would lie in my body until I can’t hold it down anymore and I would eventually combust at some point in the future, in a reactive, unhealthy and unwarranted way.
To let it slide into nothing numbness. Again the issue remains unaddressed and unexpressed, once again leaving residual tension in my body, and with the knowing that a similar situation will pop up again in my life, like it has repeatedly, and will continue to do so until it is addressed and I learn the lesson it is trying to teach me.
To enquire. I could greet this situation to understand what is driving this behaviour in my mind, as well as providing myself with the opportunity to feel into and express what is going on in my body.
Limiting Beliefs Enquiry
So I choose to enquire, and I do so in a way to uncover and transcend the limiting beliefs that are underpinning this behaviour.
I start with ‘What is the thought driving my muteness?’
I will make another person (in this case my father) uncomfortable by voicing my thoughts.
My thoughts and feelings matter less than (his) any other’s.
I matter less than (him) any other.
I then enquire deeper to get really brutally honest with myself. I realise that in thinking these thoughts I am excusing myself from being in an uncomfortable situation, I sacrifice my truth for peace, and the unflattering truth here is that this allows me to feel like the victim which is an indulgent place to reside, and it also allows me to play the weaker, fairer sex card when I choose to. Damn. I begin to see more clearly and with compassion why I chose not to speak in the playground that morning.
However, my mental comprehension is only one part of this process. If I don’t allow my body to feel into these thoughts I will continue to resist them and they will continue to play out.
So I allow myself to feel into and sit with that deeper belief, that I matter less, that I am not enough and I welcome in this belief, it feels uncomfortable and sensations run through my body. I embrace them, become more intimate with them, and as I do so I open myself up to love them and love the thought.
It sounds counter intuitive but in loving ourselves wholly, including those parts that we are ashamed of, disgusted by, or hate, then we liberate ourselves from their binds, and in doing so we merge back into love. As I sit here, more flow becomes available in my body and I feel more of my truth.
At this point I ask myself, ‘who would I be without this thought that if I speak up I will make another uncomfortable?’ and the new truth emerges, that I can speak my truth, I can act from my truth, and I can do this in a compassionate and honest way.
A new more empowering belief enters my body, I speak and act from love, and I breathe, feel and expand this new belief filling it throughout my body and anchoring the truth somatically.
It is ESSENTIAL that we feel into what we experience. A self-aware and conscious woman can easily begin to rationalise her behaviour, and her thoughts, but this analysis leaves us stuck in her head. We cannot liberate what we don’t allow ourselves to feel, in liberating we allow in more of our natural life force energy, and when we allow more flow, we more easily find our truth, and connect back in with love.
Your Turn
This is a poignant and recent example of the heartache that I as a woman feels, and how I took this opportunity to discover some more about myself, and to centre myself further into my truth, and to find my space and authenticity from which to express myself.
This story shows you both, the heartache that drives my work, and also how valuable the feminine embodiment approach is to support us to reach into our depths and BE our true selves.
I’m walking the same path as you.
We are all re-discovering what it means to be a woman in these present times, we all encounter opportunities to show up better each day, and we have the choice as to how we want to show up in this life.
You deserve not to give a sh!t about what other people might think and say.
You deserve to be a powerful woman who is FREE in her being.
You deserve to live connected to your depth and wisdom.
You deserve to live an abundant and sensual life, that has you feeling the feels and engaging with the juice that is available to you.
What is holding you back?
The answers can be found in your body.
Navigating my life from an embodied and feminine perspective has been hugely transformational for me, and I know it can be for you too.
I want to extend a personal invitation to you for a free 1–1 discovery call with me to discuss where you are, where you want to be, and how I can help you be more of who you want to be.
Book in here now for a no-obligation chat to see if Feminine Embodiment Coaching is for you.