Human doings

We wear being “busy” like a medal. Being busy is a testament to how much we have going on in our successful life, how popular we are with social commitments to keep, how needed we are at work, or by our over-achieving family members, proudly bearing our responsibilities to provide, produce, and support. Society praises those that do. We favour those that have achieved things rather than who you are as a person. 

Subsequently, taking space to do ‘nothing’ is looked down upon. It’s considered an indulgent pastime, only for the lazy, or unmotivated, or at best reserved for Sunday’s. We’re criticised for not being productive, “I don’t know what you do with your time”. 

This is strongly reflective of our society which is dominated by a masculine approach to life, which provides little room for beingin the hectic prioritisation of doing. And so we lose touch with ourselves. We forget to stop to listen to our bodies, moving ‘til the point of exhaustion, wearing our mind and body down.  

It’s time to balance the doing and the being, and let your being inform your doing. 

Instead of looking at your day as an endless to do list, what if you started each day with a question: "At the end of the day, how do I want to feel?" After you ponder that one, you can ask yourself, "What will make me feel that way?"

Mary E. Pritchard, Psychology professor, Boise State University

We -men and women alike, for all have both the feminine and masculine within us - are supressing our feminine side and our intuitive nature, in the planning and organising, competition and material success that defines a masculine society. For women, while we are perfectly capable of acting in logical, masculine ways, to the extent that it counteracts woman's nature, we burn out pretty quickly.

It is perhaps too idealistic to think that our society, particularly Australia’s, will change to adopt a more fluid and feminine model in the near future. Indeed, there is nothing inherently wrong with this doing mode. In fact, quite the reverse: This approach has worked brilliantly as a general strategy for solving problems and achieving goals in the external world, from purchasing the week’s grocery items, to managing the design and construction of a building.However, it doesn’t serve us at all times in all contexts, specifically the internal, personal one. In example, perhaps our relationship has broken down, we may wish for it to be restored, or to find another partner, we would wish we weren’t upset. We seek solutions, who caused it, what caused it? Our mind keeps trying to process the information and we ruminate on it, analysing the past or anticipating the future, and finding little tasks to focus on in the name of improvement, with feelings categorised into “good things” to hang on to or “bad things” to get rid of. 

This is converse to the being mode, of accepting and allowing a direct, immediate, intimate experience of the present. Thoughts and feelings are seen as simply passing events in the mind that arise, we become aware of, and then they pass. We embrace the rich and complex patterns in life. We aren’t immediately triggered into our default mode of actin and reaction, and we have a greater ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotional states. 

If we can choose to live as many of our moments mindfully, with ease and grace, we are honouring our soul's purpose. If we can make decisions from a place of inner knowing and intuition, we bring in a higher quality of life, and we can thus have the ability to truly life a joyful, wondrous life. The key is to create that space for yourself.

I point out here that being is not necessarily meditating, or not being active. You can be in a driven being mode in trying to meditate, such that you focus intently to achieve the relaxed state and become annoyed when it doesn’t happen. Such as you can do the dishes with fury so you can get back to your preferred pastime, or, you can accept the task at hand, and be mindful in the moment of doing the dishes. 

I’ve recently started an exercise that speaks to this. Usually my evening involves me refining the to-do list for the following day. I feel a sense of accomplishment when the to-do’s are crossed off, and a sense of overwhelm when they’ve been left aside, expectantly waiting to roll-over to the next day (or perhaps the next…). Wherever I find myself, it leaves me tired. So I’ve started identifying one or two things that will leave me feeling good at the end of the day, this may involves time in the day for a decent yoga practice and meditation (rather than the quickie I attempt before the baby wakes), having a cup of tea in the sun, going for a walk, or being in the garden. I am finding myself buoyed by this, in a better head space, with more energy. 

What ways do you honour yourself, that help you to balance?