Shadow work - a path to self love and radical self-acceptance

It can be very easy for us to ignore the darker elements of who we are, and instead focus on emphasizing our lighter, joyous and more comfortable side. We develop our entire persona around our feel-good, lovable aspects, flaunting our accomplishments and socially acceptable character traits.

We expose our good side to the world, hoping the more light and positivity and vigour we show the more we will succeed, be accepted, healthy, good and ‘whole’.

This viewpoint is heavily espoused by the New Age and positive psychology set, who believe that our true selves are only glowing light and happiness.

But this ignores the entirety of what it means to be a human being.

It’s totally understandable that in the development of civilised societies we learn to repress aspects of ourselves that do not fit in with the structured ideal and accepted social norms. However, this comes at an immense cost to us. We are born whole and complete, but we slowly learn to live fractioned lives, accepting some parts of our nature but rejecting and ignoring other parts.

Hiding away in the darkness lie our gross, shameful and darker aspects. Here sits our guilt, the inner mean girl, the judgement, the murky depths of guilt, your inner narcissist, and the voice that tells you that you aren’t enough. Here is your shadow. The longer your ignore her the louder she will sing, often finding yourself in one increasingly challenging situation after another until you stop swallowing and pushing down the black that is inside of you. I believe these situations are akin to your soul begging you to confront what you are running from and disowning, your soul wants you to shine your light on your dark, and integrate both sides of yourself to become the whole human being that you are.

By owning only the positive we limit our experience of true freedom and authenticity in our daily life and in our relationships, causing fatigue and blocking us off from the untapped energy, and potential within us. This is why solitude can be so refreshing as it gives us respite from the lies we are telling ourselves and others. How can you completely and utterly accept your true self if there are parts of yourself that you’re too fearful to explore?

"Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life". – C. Zweig & S. Wolf

True integration and healing comes when you have enough inner wisdom to be capable of facing your darkness. It requires us to stop avoiding the truth about our lives, and develop the courage to face our flaws and misperceptions.

The more conscious you become of your shadow the more it loosens its grip.

In doing this work you gather all the little bits of yourself back together. You stop lying to yourself and you come to realise the deep connection we all share. You recognise that every single character trait exists in every human being in equally proportional balanced amounts of negative and positive. The truth is that existence has no concept of good versus evil - judgment only occurs on a personal level. You are as much an angry bitch as she is, as much a controlling sociopath as he is, and there is always a counterbalance as the universe is constantly striving for equilibrium.

This cultivation of deep self-knowledge serves to free yourself from your fears, anger, hatred, sadness, pain and your insecurities. You are able to communicate more constructively, break the cycles of pain in your relationship, gain clearer perception and energy and retrieve your lost creativity.

You will achieve more agency in your life, and your self-limiting beliefs no longer sabotage your conscious intentions.

If you do not you will lead an unexamined life.

You are dark, and you are light in equal harmonious amounts. In exploring both, loving both, growing in both we soothe the polarity and come closer to truth, and oneness.